Blog abandonment

I abandoned the blog. I’ve not returned. Like a force of nature. Well that would be the ideal.

I decided to take myself and my research (book/laptop/pad/paper/pencils etc) to the Vietnamese restaurant close by. I sat there for 3 hours. Writing and thinking. I thought tonight would be a conclusion before Friday. Whoopsie. I just opened a whole other can of worms.

There is the feeling that I could have selected from so many things just like this, and dedicated time just like this, and felt I could go on forever and a day just like this.

What a bizarre thought. Is it all trivial? Is it really that important? It damn well feels important at the moment.

Sometimes it feels like week 2 (I never speak of week 1) was yesterday and other times like it was many moons passed. I have gained. Nothing concrete.

I received a message from a friend: “The research brain is so cool. Apart from stimulating all these ideas you actually grow brain synapses and stuff. Then you are literally smarter/your brain is bigger and you start remembering all this stuff you’d forgot because you have connected grey matter. Really!”

Well, I can’t say I am quite there. But I am truly enjoying real invested interest. Couldn’t be asked about assessment malarkey – not the point for me. I have had moments of feeling like a fraud. That my brain does not follow thought ideal processes or retain information or desire to make ‘ground-breaking’ work (whatever that is). Today I don’t care. Maybe I am a fraud. Maybe I’ll never truly understand/want to understand the millions of books with the same title (my apologies Dr Ellis – I haven’t really tried hard enough): “dance/practice/research/arts/practice/in the/dance/stage/arts/performance/research as/research in/practice/arts/dance/practice/practice/schmactice!

Everything in its time.

For now.

More to write.

Space.

Miss Quick

2 thoughts on “Blog abandonment

  1. I love this refusal of the research to be finished. I’m struggling with my writing to close, capture, encircle, neaten – not sure whether that’s because 12 weeks is a lot different to 3 year research or whether PaR just doesn’t finish.

    I attended a brilliant workshop led by Rosalind Crisp in the summer – she kept laughing during it, saying she couldn’t offer much, that we needed to spend 20 years in the studio – I feel like I’ve had glimpses of understanding what she was on about.

    Really excited for your presentation this Friday,
    Paul

    Like

    1. Paul Paulo Hugo Pablito Euges.
      Yes not sure myself truly but I have this feeling that it would be similar after three years – would have time to develop, exhaust itself – but by then you’d be so different, think so differently would it even be the same time? love the laughing, the ‘I can’t offer much’ – 20 years needed. That’s a terrifying amount of time! Definitely barren by then! x Any cup luck today? Or lost in a Roehampton abyss I suspect

      Like

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